Wasted Network's Recent Articles

My Space - Mindless Fun or Cry for Help?

Fri, 16 Feb 2007 16:29:00 GMT

Those of you who haven't been living in shopping cart for the last couple of years (far superior to cardboard boxes in wet weather, so says the discerning bum) will have heard about that intriguing new web-entity called "My Space" that has taken the world by tropical storm. And I use the word "intriguing" looser than Courtney Love there.

Now, My Space, and, indeed, most of these new blog-for-the-masses websites are all well and good on the surface, but is no one else slightly worried about a sudden new message that is emerging from our youth that sounds rather like:

"Hi, I have 2000 friends… and I've met none of them".

Years ago we'd have thrown them in the asylum and watched them play with their own faeces.

Satire: Story of Euthanasia a Hoax

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 20:52:00 GMT

Recently an over exuberant, and probably intoxicated, reporter from Wasted Network filed a story that the famous crime solving dog Scooby-Doo had been euthanized. After careful investigation it turns out that while it is true that Scooby is dead, it had nothing to do with being put down. The truth, as indicated by a recent medical examination of the corpse, was that Scooby died of an overdose of Scooby snacks.

Shaggy is being held without bail for questioning.

Satire: Scooby Doo - Where are you?

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 20:48:00 GMT

Ghost hunting mutt to be euthanized by producers

Hollywood, LA - Controversy surrounds the latest episode of popular children's cartoon Scooby Doo, after producers show the canine hero finally put to sleep by fatal injection.

"He's a 37 year old dog, for f*ck's sake," said a Hanna Barbara spokesman, "We're just trying to keep things realistic."

The Day Death Came To Visit

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 10:20:00 GMT

I had always envisioned this encounter with Death as a result of some heroic deed, like while saving the Stanley cup from a fire at the hockey hall of fame or while stopping some lunatic from wrecking an entire days worth of goods from the Tim Horton’s doughnut shop.

I know that some day Death and I will meet again. I just hope next time it is not as a result of poor food selection.

Internet Dating - The Standardless Pit?

Mon, 14 Aug 2006 08:55:00 GMT

Having rid myself of all the women in my life (well, except my mother, because she's the only person I know who can fold sheets) I have decided to take the opportunity to kill two bird-hunters with one Dick Cheney, and change today's article into a little experiment in love. See, I'm good at love. I am the modern Casanova much like George Bush is the modern fcking Ghandi.

Anyway, coming back from the bitterness path there (I was even starting to see Jennifer Aniston in the distance) - Yes, today's article will be an experiment in love, and this time, it won't even involve choke chains!